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Are "Situationships" A Distraction?


Sarah Machan of StudyBreaks.com wrote an article, “Situationships are the New Normal Amongst Millennials.” She talks about the effects of being in a Situationship. There is no intimacy therefore you can still feel lonely. It is hard for you to make a decision to leave due to not even being sure of exactly what you’re leaving. There is no clarity of the direction of the relationship because you are not sure if it is even a relationship. You also walk around with unresolved feelings due to never seriously addressing your needs.  


Many phrases come to mind when we think of the word Situationships. Some are super casual meetups, no label relationships, and don’t ask-don’t tell.


Whatever you call it basically it is the same. It is a no commitment, no sweat, no future dating situation. 


Samantha Burns the author of “Breaking & Bouncing Back,” describes it this way, “It’s like you’re playing house by pretending you’re in a relationship, but with no real consistency, dependency or reliability.”  Remember when you played house as a child. I repeat as a child. This would imply to me adults would be off-limits for something like this, right. Well, the rules have changed. There are those who would like to have no real commitment of any kind and this is why Situationships exist.

Lets’ take a look at the origin of dating and fast forward it to modern times. The origin dates back to 1896. The author of “Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating”, (Farrar, Straus, and Giroux) Moira Weigel suggests women played the most significant role in the upspring of what we now call dating. Weigel goes on to say dating began in the early 1900s. Police were sent out to investigate the dealings of women who set out to meet men in selective cities in the US.                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

The term ‘dating’ was first used in a newspaper column about a young columnist named George Ade, who complained about his girlfriend seeing other people. He was concerned the other men were filling up all his dates on the calendar. 

Women had become more independent and no longer dependent on the men in their life. This lead to the era of courtships. I do not mean to be long-winded but simply wanted to bring some insight to large the gap is from the inception of dating till now. 

So fast forward and now we are in Situationships. Don’t know if you may be in one? Let me help you. According to Anna Medaris Miller, if you are in one you should be trying to get ‘TF’ out of it. I would like to think she means ‘The Freak’ out of it for the sake of this article.  She writes in Women’s Health Magazine online an article ‘9 Signs You’re In A ‘Situationship’–And How To Get TF Out Of It’.

The nine ways to identify a Situationship is you only make short term or last-minute plans. The relationship is inconsistent. The other party always have vague excuses because remember you are not boyfriend or girlfriend status. You are not even the side piece. You mostly have small talk and surface talk, never going deeper. You steer far away from talking about the future because remember there is no future to talk about. The other party tells you they do not want to take the relationship to the next level. They consistently show you they do not want to take the relationship seriously. You feel anxious because of the uncertainty of the relationship. You feel bored with the situation because there is nothing stimulating about it. 


Ok, listing out all the problems is no good if solutions are not offered. So, here are some solutions. How do you get out?

You are going to have to put your feelings first. You will need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What do I really want out of a relationship.” You are going to have to set boundaries. You are going to have to ask them the hard questions like, where do you see this relationship going? Like, what are you looking for in a relationship? Let them know what you will and will not accept going forward. You are going to have to become unavailable for last-minute hookups. 


To change your Situationship, you will need to change you. This is the hard part that no one wants to hear. Now if you are reading this and like being in one then that is another blog for another time. 


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